The 3 Musketeers

by Racheal
(Australia)

Sign me up to be a Musketeer. Or in the very least the wife of one. Based on Alexander Duma’s novel, countless adaptations have been done. And why not? It is a brilliant story and given that Hollywood is actually obsessed with remakes at the moment (Footloose, The Lion King, Snow White etc.) it seems fitting that this story gets a run.

The story is much the same, there’s 3 Musketeers, the leader is Athos (Matthew Macfadyen). Once upon a time they were pretty much living Gods in France. But now there is a boy King Louis on the throne and a corrupt Cardinal (Christoph Waltz) running the show along with villains Milla Jovovich (Milady) and Orlando Bloom (Buckingham). The Musketeers are now drunk and broken men.

And then along comes D’Artagnan. Now. I love my heroes. I’ve still got my cranky pants on when they went and cast Jamie Campbell Bower as my beloved Arthur in Camelot. It turned out ok though. Hollywood and I worked through it. Then they make Logan Lerman D’Artagnan. I was in shock. WHY do they insist on ruining this for me by casting a boy in a man’s job?? But then I saw D’Artagnan do his thing, show off his moves. And suddenly age is just a number baby. The sword fighting in this film is some of the best I’ve seen in a long time. If you’ve seen one sword fight, you’ve seen them all right? Wrong. Plus he also has this look on his face which says “I’m sexy and I know it” and I can’t help but agree. I wouldn’t put him on layby. I’d by him straight off the shop floor without even stopping to gift wrap. Orlando Bloom would be my celebrity free pass and Matthw McFayden is Mr Darcy. So the fact that a boy just got a bigger paragraph than both of them combined should tell you all something.

I had low expectations. I always do of generic Hollywood blockbusters. I don’t expect to be moved emotionally or mentally but just to watch some mind numbing entertainment. And yes, it kind of was all that. But I actually don’t care. This film was so much fun I will happily watch it again.

This is the best 3D film I have watched since Avatar. Anyone who knows me knows that I utterly adored Avatar because I got to live in Pandora so this is a big call. The opening sequence is amazing and there are so very many shots and angles which are tailor made for a 3D film. But they do it properly, not like Harry Potter where they had a snake jump up at the screen and that was it. Plus it clearly outlines the players to the audience. They don’t assume that everyone watching will be able to innately know the difference between the musketeers.

I couldn’t decide where to look for most of this film. Everything is just so pretty. If I’m not busy eyeballing the insanely ornate, intricate and decadent sets, scenery and costumes then I’m eyeing up the cast members. And what a cast it is. They almost push off The Vampire Diaries as having the hottest cast ever put together. The one improvement would have been to let Waltz loose. The man is a weapon. His roles in Inglorious Bastards and Water for Elephants are some of the best I’ve seen. But here, he’s just too tame. There’s no reason for it, his character is evil, but there isn’t room for him to run wild and steal the show like he usually does.

On other fronts, there isn’t much in the way of character development; the script is humorous but then at times cliché and predictable. The pace pleasantly quickens and slows as it should. The score is good and epic but not the starring element. Athos’ first appearance has him looking more like a Ninja Turtle than a Musketeer. But the bromance and interaction between the cast of Musketeers is very good. They play against each other nicely.

But if the film was any more unrealistic, it would be a Sci Fi. The opening intro “grabs the audience by the balls” as Michael Bay would say with a daring heist mission. Milady slides along the floor, in a dress that would weigh more than me and somehow evades about 100 arrows that fly out of the wall faster than the eye can see. And then there’s the American Accents. I love The Man in the Iron Mask, with my boy Leo, it’s one of my fav films but it drove me nuts how many of the leads couldn’t go visit a dialogue coach and opt for either British or French accents. And then they go and do the same with this film. It is the curse of the Musketeer films. They are not American, America was just barely discovered so drop the American accents!

I realise the above probably sounds like the film is one massive perve fest and lets be honest, it kind of is. One big reason why this film is so thoroughly enjoyable is because it is so very aesthetically pleasing. The film concludes by setting up for a sequel. So becasue I want them to have enough box office dollars as reason to make a sequel, I’m going to ask everyone to go and treat themselves to an enjoyable two hours. All for one? I hope the answer is and one for all!!